It’s that time of the month again. I feel bloated, achey, fatigued, unsatisfied, angsty, and on the verge of screaming “MOVE BITCH” if anyone crosses my path the wrong way. I can’t focus on my work and I can’t stand everyone around me, which is a far cry from my usual happy-go-lucky self.

Why does PMS suck so much? Why is it that girls are automatically programmed to be bi-polar on a monthly cycle? And why is it that all the information that’s out there about PMS is dense medical stuff I haven’t got patience for? (especially when I’m PMSing and impatient for relief from my gloomy uncomfortable self)

PMS is all about self-knowledge and I’m still working on trying to figure my own cycle out. The severity of PMS and coping mechanisms differ for every girl, but here are a few easy and handy ways for me to spot it and deal with it each month that I’ve figured out over the last eight years of the monster:

1) Spotting it: There are apparently over 150 symptoms documented for PMS and everyone has a different way of categorizing it. But the way I know it’s PMS and I’m not just having a sucky day is when any 3 or more of the following is true at once:

• Crying at the stupidest things that flabbergast everyone around you
• Craving all sorts of bad food and feeling extra fat
• Becoming listless and unmotivated
• Picking fights and getting irritated about things that don’t usually bother you
• Getting pains in weird places at weird times, like bad headaches, boob tenderness, backaches, etc.

2) Dealing with it: The more stressed and active you are the more these symptoms are going to bother you (especially if you’re on birth contorl, in which case get a big sign that says “WATCH OUT”). Assuming we’re all busy girls and don’t have much time to spend on cures or relaxation, here are some tips:

• Drink hot liquids. Putting a teabag into a mug of hot water takes two seconds.
• Do some stretching in the morning and then shower. Unbelievably useful for loosening up the cramps and kickstarting the day when the rest of your body says no.
• Catch up with an episode of a sappy soap opera. I suggest this over chick flick movies because they usually take less time. And trust me the hour will be well spent because you can cry and be emo all you want and get it out before some innocent friend becomes the victim of your mood swings.
• Less salty food. Apparently salt makes you feel even more bloated, and it doesn’t take much effort to grab yogurt instead of chips.

If you’ve got some hand tricks or good stories, share the love (or the hate in this case)!