The Boy Next Door: Missed opportunities, are there second chances?

The world has a way of moving forward even if you’re not completely ready to. Blink for a second and an important opportunity can pass you by. Stand indecisively and you can lose your way. As tragic and true as all this may be, rarely does life only provide one chance for love — one chance for happiness. With 6.5 billion people in the world, love can often quite literally be around the corner. From experience, it is often around multiple corners. The trick, more often than not, is to just be open to it. Sadly, the vast majority of people do not know what it really means to be open to new opportunities.

User MissOpportunity, like most people after a recent breakup, retreated in a protective shell. Perhaps that’s why she missed a potential Mr. Right when he was right in front of her. Here’s her story:

Hello there! I have a situation from way back (like a year ago). I don’t know if there could’ve been something. During my senior year in college, I had just come from a nasty break-up, so I was wary about liking someone new. I played for my college’s club tennis team and I was thinking of quitting but my coach convinced me to stay because I loved tennis so much. There was this one guy that joined in January (but that I had met early on). I felt that he was nice, though a little odd and quiet. (My female teammates thought he was creepy, haha.) I tried getting to know him more but since he didn’t talk much it was hard. He started opening up more and at Regionals, I ended up spraining my ankle. He was on the sidelines, icing his ankle and I joined him where we began to talk more. On the ride home (in the team RV), he threw a jacket at me when I was trying to study, I threw it back, and this continued for a little while.

Fast forward to Nationals and by that time, I had a hard time talking to him online, but during tennis practice, I was fine. We went on a roadtrip with the team for five days and it was a lot of fun. We split lunch (he did that only with me), we pushed each other in a shopping cart when we went to buy groceries, he hugged me twice (randomly), talked with me about how to approach tennis matches, was my shot buddy (first time drinking, though he kinda tried to get out of that XD), and I just felt really comfortable around him. The only thing is because he’s good looking and popular, he’s kinda a flirt and yeah. Mind you, he is almost two years younger than I am. I guess what I’m trying to ask is, was there anything that could’ve happened? I definitely missed hanging out with him after we came back from Nationals and I definitely think he knew something because I’m kinda that obvious even if I don’t outright say anything. Now, I still like him but not as much and I’m not entirely sure if it was a crush or infatuation or something to that extent. I talked with several of my girlfriends about it and they do think that there was something between us but I didn’t make a move (because I’m not that type of person) and he didn’t either. Was this just a missed opportunity?

This story confuses me. In the first paragraph, the guy seemed awkward around girls. By the second paragraph, he’s an expert in flirting. I don’t believe he magically became a more confident guy, rather I think perception is a powerful distorter of reality. Initially, MissOpportunity saw him as strange because she didn’t know what to make of him nor her feelings towards him. Later on, as she started to like him more, he turned into this Casanova able to get any girl. In short, she liked him a lot. But of course, she didn’t fully realize how much until her opportunity passed.

Ladies, here’s some insight about guys that may be useful in the future. If a guy is awkward around you, it’s a strong possibility that he likes you. We as males tend to be most awkward around girls that we really like, often stumbling on our words or even our own feet. This is more true for guys that tend to be shy. Beware of guys that are too confident, not necessarily because they’re bad people, but because they can easily manipulate the conversation or even worst manipulate you into something you may not want to do. Also factor in their age. Most teenage guys are not adept at conveying how they feel about a girl. Unfortunately, some guys never become adept at expressing themselves.

As for MissOpportunity, it’s not possible to say for sure if there was something there. Though if I had to guess, I would say yes. However, as a friend of mine likes to say, “That ship has sailed.” I’m of the belief that things happen for a reason — life is easier when you can rationalize it. Perhaps he was Mr. Almost Right and if you were to date him now, he could block Mr. Perfect. Whatever the case may be, I want you to be aware of two things:

1. It was more his missed opportunity than yours. You probably gave him all the clues he needed to know that you liked him. He didn’t act on it. The burden of action really falls on the guy.

2. It’s not good to dwell on missed opportunities. Doing so will often cause you to miss new ones. Another belief that I subscribe to is that love is a numbers game. The more people you encounter, the more people you let in your life, the more chances for love to spontaneously happen.

If by chance, you and Mr. Tennis were to cross paths again, then perhaps you can rekindle the feelings that you had. I wouldn’t bet on it though. It’s possible for something like that to happen, but I’ve never seen it. Definitely don’t chase the ghost of your missed opportunities. That I’ve seen people do. I’ve never seen it end exactly as they wanted.

Got other questions for me, ask them here anonymously. Please try to be very detailed in your questions so that I may better help you.